Ladies and gentlemen, members of the free press, samizdat radio programmers, freaks, tramps, fools and french cricketers! The time has come! The anti-climax of the century!

The General Election!

Yes, here is your opportunity to vote in the most pointless election of recent times.

On one side stand: New Labour. The whole cabinet has promised to take a month off from sucking the dick of corporate capitalism in order to fight the campaign. A new term will bring many good things, like building more prisons, inviting private investment in the tube (it worked so well on the railways), harassing asylum seekers, building more roads, lowering petrol tax (while mouthing off about green
credentials), demoralising teachers, nurses, etc etc. None of which would really matter, when you think about it, if we at least had a Prime Minister who could emote properly, goddamn him.

On the other side: the Unholy Trinity. Hague, Portillo, Widdecombe. I mean, really, need we say more? It's like voting with a gun to your head. A less attractive troika seems almost unimaginable outside of science fiction.

And if you wanna accuse this press release writer of reducing politics to personalities, then fair enough, but please, please show us the personalities. Now, the antidote.

Coldcut and the Guilty Party will be standing in an election near you. They promise nothing and will deliver everything. Screaming Lord Sutch has agreed to come out of retirement to stand as their offical candidate. Yes, he's dead. But check Ted Heath. Come to think of it, check the pulse of any politician from either bench. Perhaps this is why Sutch was never elected before.

In honour of their impending sweep to victory at the polls, Coldcut have cooked up some contemporary funk-punk with live video scratching, nosebleed guitar samples and the harshest post-junglist beat since the Zapatistas came down from the
mountains. Like the statesmen they are, Coldcut also allow various members of our esteemed political class to hang themselves by their own pinstriped petards. You'll have to watch the vid for the full effect, but let's just say that it isn't us who claim that "the lunatics have taken over the asylum"

And, as befits a thoroughly modern electoral organisation there will be a website including the video and manifesto at http://www.guiltyparty.cc The re:volution may not be televised, but it'll definitely be on your computer.